we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
