Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
