In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
