Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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