Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
