just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's rum buckets o'clock
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
