He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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