It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
