gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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