i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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