She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
