Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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