i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
