I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
