You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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