well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
