I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she pinky promised me she was 18
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
