Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we're making bets on your personal life
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
