my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
