I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
