I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
