addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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