I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Screwed.edu
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
