It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
