you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
