I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
