wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
