Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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