is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
