Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
