I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
