What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
