just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
