I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
