It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
that may or may not have been my penis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
