Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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