Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
