You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
