just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
