Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well most of my day revolves around power hour
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
