I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
