ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
