we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
