During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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