I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
