i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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