Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Please don't give away my fajitas
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
