The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
