never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
