My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
