i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
