now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
