Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
