How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm passing your future prison.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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