I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
